Traffic
by IrisTheFlower
Summary: In which America is late for a meeting and has some sort of an odd adventure along the way. Crack fic.


**A/N:** This is crack and I own nothing.

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><p>"Crap, I'm going to be late!" America, in a rush, quickly threw on his bomber jacket and shoved the remaining pieces of the recent burger he was eating in his mouth. Then out the door he was in a mad dash to his car. When he reached to his car he clutched the handle, attempting to open the door.<p>

He forgot he locked it. He rummaged in his pockets, trying to see if he can find his keys. All he found was a piece of gum, a paperclip, some loose change, and a peppermint. He grumbled as he ran back to his house and found the keys sprawled out on the coffee table near his flat screen TV. He snatched his keys and he was out the door again, heading to his car.

He pressed the button to unlock his car and he was in. His hand reached for the seat belt, but noticing how much time he had to get to the meeting he said "Screw this, the hero doesn't need seatbelts."

He pulled out the driveway and sped down the street as fast as he could. At this point, he didn't care if he passed a 'Stop' sign without stopping, or ran a red light, or go over the speed limit, he was going to be late.

"Stupid Russia with his god damn vodka giving me a hangover and now I'm gonna be late- Are you freaking serious?" Okay, maybe he did care about stopping at a stop sign because an elderly woman was leisurely crossing the street. America lightly tapped his index finger against the wheel, grumbling at the speed this lady was going by.

"C'mon grandma…cross the friggin street…" he muttered. He glanced at his watch. 11:56 in the morning and the meeting started at noon. He balled his hand into a fist and slammed the wheel, the car releasing a loud 'honk'

The elderly woman raised her cane and shook it, expressing her anger to America. She then wacked the front of his with her cane and flipped him off. America was shocked by this. The only thing that went by his mind was _'What the hell?'_

He lowered his window and popped out his head. "What the fuck was that for?" He shouted to the woman. The woman only turned to him and shot a glare.

"Youngsters these days…always to brash and conceited!" She said harshly as she stepped onto the other side of the pavement. America glared as he rolled up the window and almost didn't notice the car behind him, honking.

"God damn it- WILL YOU BE PATIENT?" He soliloquized as his cerulean hues grimaced at his side window. He stepped on his break and drove as fast as he could. Along the way he passed a few red lights and was twenty miles over the speed limit. He was America; he can break his own laws. So he thought no one would give a crap.

He slowed down when he reached the freeway and heavy traffic was spotted. "Oh fuck a duck!" He shouted as he pressed the button on his wheel to signal the other cars to move it. He then ran his hand through his hair in frustration, sighing heavily. Then a migraine attacked him. He muttered nonsense about hangovers and how much he hated Russia that he wanted bomb him because of this. The cars weren't budging and many honks could be heard through out the freeway.

His phone then rang inside his pocket, singing Britain's national anthem. 'This can't be good…' America thought, dreading to answer the call. He reluctantly took his phone out of his pocket and placed it again his ear.

"Hello, America the hero here."

"America, where the bloody fuck are you?" America had to inch the phone away from his ear on how loud the English nation was.

"Dude, I'm stuck in traffic and I think there's been an accident-"

"Well, get your fat arse here right now because the meeting is starting in two minutes. I don't care if you abandon your vehicle in the middle of the damn street just get here right this instant!" And with that, the call ended. America scowled as he closed his phone and placed it in one of the cup holders.

"Someones a bit bitchy today…" He muttered as he placed both of his hands on the wheel. A few people got out of their cars to see what was causing the traffic and could see a helicopter hover around the freeway. It must have been an accident.

A half hour past and America was getting restless, he was officially late. Hope began to rise in him as cars began to move once again and he happily placed his foot on the brake and drove. He was nearing the exit until a car beside him almost brushed against his car, giving the American nation a mini heart attack. He honked his car. "WHAT THE FUCK MAN?" he shouted, giving the driver beside him the middle finger. The other driver got furious by this and flipped him off as well.

America gaped in shock as he exited the freeway, now on his way to where the meeting was taking place. He, of course, was going over the speed limit. Minutes later he spotted a police car behind him.

"Fuck!" He complained, pulling over beside the curb. The police car parked behind him and America remained in his car seat, hands on the wheel. The policeman tapped on his window and America lowered it, scowling.

"Sir, you do know you're going twenty miles over the speed limit and have no seatbelt on, right?"

"I'm late for a meeting; can you please let me go?" America pleaded, giving that actually 'true' excuse. The officer took this as a lie and began writing down his ticket.

"I'm sorry sir but you do have to pay the consequences." He said. America then flourished an idea in his head.

"Consequences? PSH SCREW THE RULES." The officer blinked at him, the pen still clasped in his hand and still writing down his ticket.

"I'M AMERICA, BITCH." With that, America sped off. The officer's force in his hand broke the pen in half and ink sprayed onto his skin. He dashed back to his car and drove after the American. America was laughing his head off as he was happily driving down the street.

He might have ran over a few suicidal squirrels that dashed out onto the street in the last minute. Now, America hated running over animals but he always couldn't get over the fact that these animals would run at the last minute saying 'I'm going to secretly plot your death and run out in the street at the last minute so then you could stop immediately and run into a tree or run off a cliff! HAHAHAHA~' That is what America thought the squirrel was thinking.

But he didn't fall for it this time. Nope, nu-uh. He kept on driving, despite the officer driving behind him. He passed more red lights, passed a lot more stop signs, and was just a mile away from the building the meeting was taking place in. He beamed and lowered his window. He let his hand out and flipped off the officer behind him and then stepped on it, making the car go even faster.

He smiled even bigger when he lost the officer and leisurely went down he McDonald's driveway to get a quick lunch.

"Hello, welcome to McDonalds how may I help you?"

"Hello, I'd like three Big Macs with a large coke please~"

"Is that all, sir?"

"Yup~"

"That'd be $13.75."

"Okay! Thanks!" America then slowly drove towards where he was supposed to pick up his food. Once he got there a blonde employee gave him the bag of food and drink and held out her hand for the money.

"$13.75, sir." America blinked and looked through his pockets once more. Right…he forgot his wallet in his other pair of pants.

"All I have is eighty five cents, will that do?"

"Sir, I either have to get my boss here or you're going to have to see the police." America then blinked once more. He already had his food and drink. Then an idea popped inside his mind. He stepped on the pedal and drove off screaming, "AMERICA THE LAND OF THE FREEEEEE!"

Well, he technically owned every McDonalds in his country so he should get his own food for free. He cheerily took a large bite out of his burger and hummed contently at its taste.

His happy time soon ended when the police man was back, along with a few other policemen. He stuck out his tongue in concentration as he drove closer, nearing the building. Once he parked he jumped out of the car with his lunch in hand and ran inside the building.

He dashed down the corridor and soon made it to the two doors where the meeting was being held. He slammed the doors open to receive all seven pairs of eyes. England just so happened to be leading the meeting today, a furious look painted on his face.

"America…why are there police demanding you to come out?" America blinked at England's question.

"Well, I may have ran passed a few red lights and stop signs and steal a Mcdonalds meal and-"

"_We demand you to come out of that building right this instant!"_ One of the police men yelled. A few countries went to look out the windows and see about ten police men outside. England crossed his arms and tapped a finger on his arm, as well as tapping his foot against the floor.

"America, you broke your own laws?"

"Hell yea! It was so epic dude! The reason why I was late was because there was traffic and then this old lady flipped me off and hit my car then this guy got angry and I ran passed red lights and stop signs and then I got into traffic and that lasted thirty minutes or so and then I almost got into a car crash and I was like 'OH HELL NO BITCH' so I flipped him off and then he did to and then I went over the speed limit and then a police guy pulled me over and then I was like "IM AMERICA BITCH" and drove off then I got McDonalds and I didn't have enough money so I drove off AND YELLED 'AMERICA THE LAND OF THE FREEEEE~' and the police found me again and now I'm here!" America babbled, taking a deep breath afterwards. England's eye twitched.

"Your grammar is horrendous."

"Oh fuck it. That's why American English exists." England's eyebrows then knitted together, forming a glare.

"I created the English language you twit!" America cracked his knuckles.

"Yes, you did. But I made it awesomer!" England couldn't take it anymore. He pushed him out of the room until he was out in the hallway again.

"Go to the police and serve your time, and don't even think about persuading me to bail you out." Before he closed the door and snatched America's lunch and dropped in the bin. America stared at the English nation, appalled.

"Go on, it's time to learn your lesson."

"But I don't wanna!" England then closed the door, and locked it. America frowned.

And that is why you should never break the traffic laws and annoy the shit out of England right after you broke those laws. Why? Because he'll either push you out or throw out the window…in America.


End file.
